Hurricane Valentino

 

Ah, yes. Whether you’re in a relationship or not, Valentine’s Day blows in with the force of Christmas and the expectation of Thanksgiving dinner. Enjoy!

Working From Home

 

The following observations took place over the course of a very busy day.

Morning  You don’t really know yourself until you drink a liter of Stumptown and beat an egg.

Afternoon  My seventeen-year-old microwave has lasted five times longer than my MacBook or iPhone.

Evening  I read an article that said a “pentobarbital manufacturer is adamant in its opposition to Florida using it for executions since it may cause suffering.” Then I thought: Why would Adam Ant care?

And, scene.

Senior Moment

I was walking down the street, when I noticed a much older man looking at me from the storefront up ahead. As I approached, we locked eyes and he hollered, “INDIAN CHIEF!” Was it the nerdy glasses? I took it as a compliment.

A Viper in the Pipes

It’s sometimes hard to relax when the radiator sounds like a rattlesnake.

Make It Happen

Dear Santa,

The last time I wrote you a letter, you ignored me. Why was a swimming pool full of plastic balls out of the question? It was only a little bigger than Chuck E. Cheese’s. I guess I should have just asked for a Blondie concert in our backyard. Anyway, I thought I would try again, this time with an adult list of commands. See to it, or I will tell everyone that you’re a fraud. They will believe me because they know that I know things.

1. the power to make me follow through on my threats
2. a magic red pencil that always has a sharp point a red pen
3. dictionary brain
4. computer brain
5. a part-time job naming babies, pets, drugs, and nail polish—I can freelance

Sincerely and all that,

Me